To Conceive, Or Not To Conceive -- Rock-a-Bye Greenie? (Part One)

Yes, that definitely is the question. Exploring the potential eco-burden of having one or more children is bound to ruffle some feathers, but aren’t you curious to view on your computer screen what you’ve quite possibly only contemplated in the darkest recesses of your mind (while intentionally locking yourself in a closet wearing duct tape over your mouth)? Before you flare your nostrils and get your fingers poised to give me a cyber-whoopin’ in the comments section below, please accept the following sincere disclaimer so that we can move on as friends, okee-dokes? ***I am in no way stating that you or anyone you or your close friends or colleagues know have or will in the near future commit crimes against Mother Nature for becoming a parent.*** Phew. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s move on, shall we?

There’s no politically correct way of saying this, so I’m just going to go ahead and spit it out. Is it more eco-responsible for green-minded individuals to pass on the whole child rearing experience altogether? Did I just hear a pin drop? For some, the question of whether to start a family (or not) can be tough enough, but when strong eco-values are added to the mix, it can transform an already life-altering decision into one that seems almost impossible to resolve. Think about the great lengths that some greenies go to do right by Mother Earth -- you’ve seen it before -- perhaps even in your own household. How about an off-the-hook in-house recycling system where no scrap of paper or sticky note or canned goods label goes unaccounted for? Imagine a utopia where ugly Christmas sweaters are repurposed into home sewn, energy-saving draft rolls or the wool is simply unraveled to take on new life as kitted dish cloths or pot holders. Oh, and how about the food? All sourced from a thriving urban homestead fertilized with chicken coop goop and rock star vermiculture castings.

Such a phenomenal system…you’ve got it down to a science…and then your biological clock starts tick-tocking. You turn toward your significant other and start talking about…you know…it. Should we take the plunge? We’re not getting any younger, you know. Everyone around us has babies by now…why haven’t we gotten our act in gear? Of course I like our lifestyle…this would definitely require a lot of adjustment. Yes, it’s gonna be expensive, but we’re already spending a lot on organics as it is…we just need to shop a little smarter, that’s all. No, you can kiss your Friday night poker game buh-bye. (Why are you talking about a stupid GAME anyway…this is far more important than a bunch of farting men collecting plastic doo-hickeys on the table!?! Fine….chips.) Anyway, my sister says it’s not as hard as everyone makes it out to be. Yes, we can use her baby clothes, but they’re not made with organic cotton and lemme tell you, any baby of ours is gonna get the best start in life. No chemicals, no pesticides, no junk…this has been our thing all along, so why change it up now? You love our baby…right?

So, how would the addition of a bouncing bundle of joy radically alter the lives of an eco-conscious couple? Putting aside the obvious sleep deprivation and no-holds barred responsibility of tending to a defenseless miniature human being 24-7, there are certain basic supplies that any parent must acquire to get the job done right. First off, infants require some sort of armored crib (so they remain protected during their sleeping sessions) lined with a cradle mattress and bedding. Since a baby comes in direct contact with its sheets and blanket, it stands to reason that a bedding set purchased by parents with green aspirations should be produced with 100% organic fibers. Good news! A quick check in the marketplace reveals that these items can be scored for surprisingly reasonable prices compared to conventional versions available at Babies “R” Us and the like.

Not so fast.  Babies have other needs, too. In addition to constantly snoozing throughout the day and night, they like to follow that same pattern while eating. A green momma might side with the breast is best camp (which would mean free organic eats for baby as long as mom is eating clean and green…plus no waste), but there are others who prefer the formula route. Awww, too bad, cause that’s gonna cost you some serious ka-ching. The upside is that these days, organic formulations are readily available…but the downside is that those containers will end up compounding our landfill problem. As baby gets older, green-minded parents can take comfort in the fact that they can nourish their bouncing bundle of joy with homemade organic fruit and vegetable purees and just compost the peels – this route would likely be the most waste-free option but certainly more time-consuming than just purchasing pre-made commercially-available organic varieties. Thank goodness the jars can always be recycled.

If you think that I forgot the diaper issue, think again -- in the United States alone, approximately 27.4 BILLION diapers are tossed away each year. That translates into an estimated $1,500 spent per baby tushie per year. It’s perhaps the number one concern among green-minded couples venturing head-first into baby land…it also happens to be among the most hotly argued. Does anyone really know whether disposable diapers cause more eco-harm than their cloth cousins? Poke around on the internet and you’ll become as baffled as I was. The National Association of Diaper Services identifies traditional disposables as containing a combination of  “heavily treated paper pulp, polyethylene (and other plastics), glues, dyes, synthetic perfumes, and -- above all -- a super-absorbent chemical, sodium polyacrylate, that absorbs urine and holds it in a "gel" next to a baby's skin.” That same chemical, known to cause respiratory and skin irritations with prolonged exposure, happens to be found in “greener” disposable diaper brands such as Seventh Generation Chlorine-Free Diapers and plastic-free, flushable G Diapers.  The plot thickens.

Cloth diapers have their own fair share of problems, though, and those created with conventional cotton are typically laden with pesticides and other chemical residues. That’s bad enough, but when you consider that they are then washed en masse (if you use a diaper laundry service) with hundreds of other poopy diapers in a hot HOT water and bleach solution, major ick factor creeps into the picture. Put that aside for a moment and just think about all of the energy and resources consumed to make them clean along with all of the chemicals and waste trickling down the drain. Do it at home and you’ll manage to avoid a small portion of the comingling ickiness but still be working your washer more so than it already is with the increased demands of a constantly vomiting, pooping, peeing onesie-wearing weenie. Stack that up against the ever-escalating tangible waste that a disposable diaper household generates and you have a recipe for flat-out eco-fatigue.

There are no easy answers, which is why part two of this blog will further explore the wild, wacky world of eco-parental concerns. From wipes, snacks, toys, cleaning and clothing, if it has anything to do with basic baby care, it’ll be here. If you’ve been contemplating the benefits of using cloth diapers made with 100% organically-grown fibers or are trying to grasp how the additional seemingly countless aspects of child rearing can be greenified, then check back here tomorrow. In the meantime, why don’t you place a cold pack on your forehead, prop your feet up on the coffee table and pop a few Tylenol? It’ll be alright, I promise.