Dearly Beloved -- One Couch Potato, Dead On Arrival!

$3,500 doesn't seem to buy a whole lot anymore, but once you've crossed over onto the other side, who's counting pennies anyway? VonErickson has taken repurposing to an entirely new and vastly improved (or darkly demented?) afterlife with his handcrafted coffin couch which is guaranteed to stop all of your houseguests dead in their tracks. Available on Etsy in three different color palettes -- black, royal purple or crimson velvet -- the "classic metal spring construction seat" and thick foam cushioning guarantee that your private oasis of relaxation will stand the test of time long after you've released your final breath.

Comfort and practicality are no match for the eco-responsible statement that you'll be making by pouring your life's savings into this place to rest your weary bones. Transition from zoned-out couch potato into daisy-pusher-upper with a mere flick of the wrist since it conveniently reverts back into a closed up, compact coffin -- imagine that! Greenies everywhere can now rejoice, knowing that their sizable upfront investment will ultimately kill two birds with one stone.